I think of the hue of my teenage years

the baby blue of my bedroom

TV on floor, watching Laura 

wrapped in plastic

Late night microwavable meals

& the way shoegaze felt at 4 am

The weight of my body filled 

with unrequited love

I blame watching Godard 

for all the cigarettes I smoked

& for the way I still 

romanticize bad habits 

It’s midnight now 

& multi-colored máscaras stare 

as I’m dancing in the mirror, 

condensation dripping down my hand  

I feel the blue light on my body, 

like late night dates with my Criterion Collection 

Tequila on the tongue

like I am eighteen again, 

drunk & dizzy, dancing 

in my bedroom to a song called worthless 

I feel so much love inside me that I want 

to love everyone I have ever loved again 

I want to bite into a raw fish from the fridge

Bare feet on cold kitchen tiles, 

taste of flesh against teeth 

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