Johnny S. rolls into the math lab like a lightning storm:

  • pushes smaller Johnny into the radiator
  • broadsides one body with the length of another
  • takes a seat beneath the American flag.


Years later the Sav-A-Lot on Highway 21 reports that numerous teenagers who’ve been sent by their mothers for salad dressing see Johnny S. is working the only open checkout, stuff their purchases into the ice cream freezer and run.

According to the Internet’s premier people-searching platform, Johnny S.’s house in Danbury, Connecticut has an estimated mortgage of $1,636 and French atrium doors that open to a multi-level deck with great entertaining options. Who or what is Johnny S. entertaining in Connecticut?

Numerous witnesses report that in their own sixth grade, Johnny S.’s sister called someone else’s sister something God-awful. Perhaps, there are many other S.’s loose with damage:

  • Gena S., Chesaning Union High School
  • Marsha Tanner S., Mary Kay Star Team Builder
  • Jerilyn S., happily retired

Follow-up: Why does everyone remember Johnny’s name and not the name of the teacher who did not stop him? Is this what they mean by “history is written by the victors”? What did he vict?

Relevant data:

The National Bullying Prevention Center says students who experience bullying are at increased risk for sleep difficulties. Bullied students indicate bullying has a negative effect on how they feel about themselves. Fifty-seven percent of bullying incidents cease when a bystander intervenes on behalf of the bullied, though it does not seem fair to call a bullying witness a bystander.

Proposed alternative names for bullying witnesses:

  • the pre-bullied
  • the “please-don’t-turn-on-me’s”

Here is a list of other bullies:

  • Lauren Hendry, age seven, the bottom of her gym shoe a cattle prod
  • David Vaughn, age nine, his blue, blue eyes
  • The investigator, on again, off again up to and throughout their twenties
  • God, since forever
  • The Rev. Alan George, since God knows

Question: Johnny S., Why does your public LinkedIn profile not list your time as a part-time Sav-A-Lot teenage intimidator?

Question: Johnny S., Why “certified sommelier” but not “sixth grade tough guy”?

Question: Johnny S.: What type of wine do you recommend for selectively editing the past?

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