I walked right up to her and said Hello,

I am a bank robber and this is a robbery

so please give me all the piles of money

in easy to carry bags. If you don’t

I’ll shoot you, and if you make a fuss

I’ll shoot you in the face,

and if you call the cops

then I’ll shoot your entire body so full of bullets

that all of your blood will flee your body

like orphans fleeing from an orphanage

that is burning to the ground

and the orphans are screaming because they are on fire

and then they too burn to the ground

right there, in front of the TV cameras.

If you’d like we could talk about our childhoods:

what the orphanage was like, how it looked

on fire, caved in, with the lights off

at sunset. We could go out for a cheeseburger

and pretend none of this ever happened,

and I could tell you a story

about a handsome man

who meets a beautiful woman

at a bank. In her spare time

she falls deliriously in love with him

and they start a family together

and soon they have five hundred children

who all die in a flood. The handsome man

tells the beautiful woman

that everything will be ok. He tells her

that they loved their children very much

and that even though all of their children are now dead

that doesn’t change their love. He tells her

she should really put all that money in bags

and then hand him those bags. Right now.

He says In two days you’ll find me

hiding in your bathroom

with a gun. He says I will tell you that your husband

is beginning to suspect something

and you will tell me that I am your husband

and immediately this will become true.